Just when I've had enough of shut-eyed speak I slide from one floor to the next fucked up shit

And I might be vomiting nebulae
If I'm forced to leave this place
I haven't heard that clockwork voice in days
To make me try to change my ways
Of late nights and sheets over our head
I hate everything ok cool

When the heat alleviates, happiness ensues
My hour's shower proved fruitful and a true
Release

Shut-eyed and mind-fucking Antarctica
Enough snow to fill all your holes
Crystalline formations on both our bodies
Whether they touch or not
.

You deserve so much more than this,
Arms wrapped as glasses kiss.
Starless ceiling and spiteful lovers,
Miniumum wage and drunken mothers.
Talentless telepathic underneath the sea,
It seems I hate everything about you and me.

That flat tyre tires me
It ran me to the ground
All my money went to the taxi man
And not a limb was found.

Revealed his parts in front of me
The mirror cracked and burnt
My milkshake, it went everywhere
And nought is what I learnt.

This is a city of ceaseless sun, sweat-smiles, sugared serotonin:
Future-You and Future-Me
Are beautiful here.

We are sitting on a bank in the South and tonguing some ironies
A clock of hot tocked hearts
And flavoured air
Is all we need.

And to realise, to have such real eyes
(No doughy doe eyes from under the sheets)
Is to forget all the foil-packed mind menders

Future-Me won't need your head pats and petty reassurances.

Please be more shut mouthed...
Nothing you can say will ever make anything better.

Weet-Bix for dinner
It's just me and the mouse
I hear next doors' mouths
Childspeak and steak-house happiness

There seems to be no alternative
To ant-ridden bread and crawling toothbrushes
The furniture is taking on figures and forms
Of friends that I can't find

My bed is soft and sweet
But I'm terrified that I can't outsleep
What is wrong with me.

I'm scared of you, Colin

Your kitchen touches my bathroom so neat
When I shower I hear you cutting up potatoes, skin, meat
What elaborate cameras have you set into place?
And what holes have you drilled to look into our space?

Fear of you brings no energy, rather
It calls for closed windows
Vodka
And climatically inappropriate clothing

I'll keep on hiding knives and bricks
To cut and numb what sense still sticks
Until there's no trace of me when they come in the door
My body in bags stowed under the floor.

The walls thicken and swell in sweet anticipation of me
Defied gravity and the will of someone's god, I have, to be here,
And yet I'm frail

She doesn't want me here.

Brilliant emergence from that life-sack with my fluid face,
I disgust even myself
But in that one movement, she can't fight back and
Pupils dilate and lips part and shoulders snap

I've had my way.

Until foil-packed body menders
Work their acid
And as quickly as I came, I am gone.

rasputin loves me more than you
and i could sit and watch his wasp-throat clench
all day.

instead i churn out pathetic movements
with spittle flying
bruised cheek, beer piss freak
of me.

and i know just whose life im sucking
out of the nineties
my hair isnt red but it could be
my hearts not stopped but it should be.

i'll show you how pretty our limbs can get
twisted, wet, around my neck

No one actually means anything to anyone.

Sick-handed shock-faced idiot I am
Weeping all over this house.

Unformed ants with white bulbous heads feel for me
They wonder why I push my head against the floor
And look for things that aren't me.

We all want to see our reflection in others
Beautiful wank-faced strangers
Please me.

But when I see that there is nothing between us
I'll pack up all my things, give everything to my sister
And find silence.

How fake and fucked everything on my hand is.
Head-butting bastard, left me with a chuxed face and masticated potato
Perhaps I'll just please myself on this here bed
Until you drag me away and declare me decrepit
Tell Sue how shit I've been
How dizzy I fall when I forget to eat those sweet-treats
Dream of drugs and cunted up faces.

Skip your dinner, lick your guitar out.
Stuck-jaw, wisdom-tooth, heart-ache, chalk-fingers.
Never been born, never been born, never been born, and
Never met you.
I'm an idiotic fuck machine

I may be fucked, lost to sweet madness and infidelity.
If only you knew how backwards we get!
Now I can only read 200 page novels
And aspire to a moderate appetite.
This is so ultimately shit.
It's all I want: strung up, ripped
From the other side of the room by terrific
Terrible sweat eyes.
I can't understand why morals prevail when it's all wrapped up
And packaged.
These dreams exist in no other bed; your God will keep them here.
When my voice goes you'll be happy to hear only you
In this wooden room.

So real, touchable rolled up handy girl
My girl, rag girl, take me with you?
I fear I don't know what's wrong with me
Compulsive anxious freak out tantrums break skin throw things
Detune your guitar and
Smile wickedly when I want to cry.
But perfectly normal- apathetic, apologetic and lovely
Claim hunger and patience
Enjoy you in holy fucking matrimony.
I should have never left me alone.
I just want a friend with no care hair
Denim jeans
And horses to spit me back into place

To sweat, to spit, to feel something; all this I would do for you and more
Standing on my toes and trying to be something more than me
"I'd like to be you"
Did she really say that? Spiritus beautiful girl
You're too much for me.
I could weep lying next to you
Lizard-limbs aglow from chlorine and sunshine
Nestle in, sweetheart
If I were a teacher, I'd tell you everything I know
Salty shaking smiles passed like butter across the table
I'll never hurt you.
But love me. Love me.
I won't leave unless I know you're okay.
You cried when I said I was going to Russia.
But I won't leave.
We'll see to each other, you and me.
Lucky-limbed, double-figured girl-child.