Little salty mouth sucks skins and
Turns it's face to the sun
Crackles and dries up into
Two silver circles misplaced
On her face.

It's something to think about, those lips
When being scalded, scolded and swept
Into the floorboards
And when you're just ill.

I'm horizontal from the super moon
And the weight of you upon my body

My open throat shares it's wounds only
With dream-eyed aging men
And the stinking digits of ex-lovers.

They poke and scratch at what they claim is theirs.

I neither argue or fight
But shift my limbs into their own
Stroking hearts and grinding bone.

Buses howl and weep as teary eyed drivers
Have hysteric moments of weird intimacy
With themselves; intimidate me
Date me, rape me into
A resemblance of something
I used to be,
Someone with well-kempt hair and shining eyes
That don't take naps twice daily

In armour for you, enarmoured
And being led by your hand down into some hot bed
With four tall posts and a kitten for my head
When I'm not sleeping it's said
'She'll go far'
Maybe I just want to listen to night noise
And hear your quietened voice
Drift in and out of consciousness
While a conscientious rose peeks in and sighs.

It's been four years and I've collected nothing,
Collated and contributed nothing. Not one
Word was useful and even this is fucking awful.

Soulless ironless seams of my body
Coming apart when your fingers pry and seek
Meaning that might be accumulating behind my ears.

But I'll wake up
One afternoon in a year or three
And feel the noon sun on my neck and
Regret hating everything about you and me.

More than one bath a day
Points to certain deficiencies in mind and space
Scratch paint off the walls and make this place
A haven for you and me
And tiny dream children with wild hair and
Fingernails that point and tear
At my terrible lack of colour.

I'm dressed in someone else's mess
And becoming less and less myself.

:)

To be scrutinised in that vast place
Is to have your face
Screwed off
And inspected for glitches, nothing unnoticed here
It's all slippery magic cast by small witches
And bitches
Wearing black.

If you would like something destroyed
or lost

I'm dreaming of starcraft
And your fingers untangling my hair
Nine hours in a car induces a small happiness
As I picture me hurdling into unmarked territory
Myself against the tar

But it's not too far
Until I'm north again

And when I'm spent
I'll curl into you
And we'll make a pretty portrait of two
People probably pretending to be happy

Just when I've had enough of shut-eyed speak I slide from one floor to the next fucked up shit

And I might be vomiting nebulae
If I'm forced to leave this place
I haven't heard that clockwork voice in days
To make me try to change my ways
Of late nights and sheets over our head
I hate everything ok cool

When the heat alleviates, happiness ensues
My hour's shower proved fruitful and a true
Release

Shut-eyed and mind-fucking Antarctica
Enough snow to fill all your holes
Crystalline formations on both our bodies
Whether they touch or not
.

You deserve so much more than this,
Arms wrapped as glasses kiss.
Starless ceiling and spiteful lovers,
Miniumum wage and drunken mothers.
Talentless telepathic underneath the sea,
It seems I hate everything about you and me.

That flat tyre tires me
It ran me to the ground
All my money went to the taxi man
And not a limb was found.

Revealed his parts in front of me
The mirror cracked and burnt
My milkshake, it went everywhere
And nought is what I learnt.

This is a city of ceaseless sun, sweat-smiles, sugared serotonin:
Future-You and Future-Me
Are beautiful here.

We are sitting on a bank in the South and tonguing some ironies
A clock of hot tocked hearts
And flavoured air
Is all we need.

And to realise, to have such real eyes
(No doughy doe eyes from under the sheets)
Is to forget all the foil-packed mind menders

Future-Me won't need your head pats and petty reassurances.

Please be more shut mouthed...
Nothing you can say will ever make anything better.

Weet-Bix for dinner
It's just me and the mouse
I hear next doors' mouths
Childspeak and steak-house happiness

There seems to be no alternative
To ant-ridden bread and crawling toothbrushes
The furniture is taking on figures and forms
Of friends that I can't find

My bed is soft and sweet
But I'm terrified that I can't outsleep
What is wrong with me.

I'm scared of you, Colin

Your kitchen touches my bathroom so neat
When I shower I hear you cutting up potatoes, skin, meat
What elaborate cameras have you set into place?
And what holes have you drilled to look into our space?

Fear of you brings no energy, rather
It calls for closed windows
Vodka
And climatically inappropriate clothing

I'll keep on hiding knives and bricks
To cut and numb what sense still sticks
Until there's no trace of me when they come in the door
My body in bags stowed under the floor.

The walls thicken and swell in sweet anticipation of me
Defied gravity and the will of someone's god, I have, to be here,
And yet I'm frail

She doesn't want me here.

Brilliant emergence from that life-sack with my fluid face,
I disgust even myself
But in that one movement, she can't fight back and
Pupils dilate and lips part and shoulders snap

I've had my way.

Until foil-packed body menders
Work their acid
And as quickly as I came, I am gone.

rasputin loves me more than you
and i could sit and watch his wasp-throat clench
all day.

instead i churn out pathetic movements
with spittle flying
bruised cheek, beer piss freak
of me.

and i know just whose life im sucking
out of the nineties
my hair isnt red but it could be
my hearts not stopped but it should be.

i'll show you how pretty our limbs can get
twisted, wet, around my neck

No one actually means anything to anyone.

Sick-handed shock-faced idiot I am
Weeping all over this house.

Unformed ants with white bulbous heads feel for me
They wonder why I push my head against the floor
And look for things that aren't me.

We all want to see our reflection in others
Beautiful wank-faced strangers
Please me.

But when I see that there is nothing between us
I'll pack up all my things, give everything to my sister
And find silence.

How fake and fucked everything on my hand is.
Head-butting bastard, left me with a chuxed face and masticated potato
Perhaps I'll just please myself on this here bed
Until you drag me away and declare me decrepit
Tell Sue how shit I've been
How dizzy I fall when I forget to eat those sweet-treats
Dream of drugs and cunted up faces.

Skip your dinner, lick your guitar out.
Stuck-jaw, wisdom-tooth, heart-ache, chalk-fingers.
Never been born, never been born, never been born, and
Never met you.
I'm an idiotic fuck machine

I may be fucked, lost to sweet madness and infidelity.
If only you knew how backwards we get!
Now I can only read 200 page novels
And aspire to a moderate appetite.
This is so ultimately shit.
It's all I want: strung up, ripped
From the other side of the room by terrific
Terrible sweat eyes.
I can't understand why morals prevail when it's all wrapped up
And packaged.
These dreams exist in no other bed; your God will keep them here.
When my voice goes you'll be happy to hear only you
In this wooden room.

So real, touchable rolled up handy girl
My girl, rag girl, take me with you?
I fear I don't know what's wrong with me
Compulsive anxious freak out tantrums break skin throw things
Detune your guitar and
Smile wickedly when I want to cry.
But perfectly normal- apathetic, apologetic and lovely
Claim hunger and patience
Enjoy you in holy fucking matrimony.
I should have never left me alone.
I just want a friend with no care hair
Denim jeans
And horses to spit me back into place

To sweat, to spit, to feel something; all this I would do for you and more
Standing on my toes and trying to be something more than me
"I'd like to be you"
Did she really say that? Spiritus beautiful girl
You're too much for me.
I could weep lying next to you
Lizard-limbs aglow from chlorine and sunshine
Nestle in, sweetheart
If I were a teacher, I'd tell you everything I know
Salty shaking smiles passed like butter across the table
I'll never hurt you.
But love me. Love me.
I won't leave unless I know you're okay.
You cried when I said I was going to Russia.
But I won't leave.
We'll see to each other, you and me.
Lucky-limbed, double-figured girl-child.

With one foot cold and one foot warm
I am watching the still people
Heavy-eared and large mouthed
I smile and they smirk, raise an eyebrow, cough.

Am I that despicable?
Is my hair that gold?

Now I am invisible and I let the noise in
Pale, scented tendrils caress and plait my hair
Like candles
They flicker and whisper, fling kisses into my ear
And burn things into my neck-skin.

Can no longer breathe.
Can no longer listen.

For fear of disturbing them.

Seduction of a five year old.
She told them her feet were cold.

She was limp and uninviting
Short haired and dreaming
Of dragonfly wings in the morning
Of milkless Nutri-Grain
Of learning how to whistle
And a dog named Pixie.

It's the red on my lip
And the twenty dollar tip.
Umbrellas in my pockets
Child dreams of blasting rockets.

And still they launch.

It's the bile in my throat
And it's everything she wrote.
Your sweet naivity
Of baby blue and gold nativities.

And still they launch.

Will it take a body bag to believe me?
Will it take nothingness to relieve me?

(She's sweating in the middle of a cold night
Her grandmama says "it's not good, it's not right.")

Is it love? Is it gout?
I've left my door open
So you can walk out

Is there nothing beneath my coat, this doubt?

All I can smell is the gingerbread men
Marching between the sheets
With red hats and sweet treats

They don't know how to act
Which roleplay to enact

For the voice that pleases me
Is hiding in the deep blue sea
They whimper and they feel
All the things they could not heal
And run as far as their sweet calves
Can manage.

She is the glass woman
One look and you're shattered

Forget everything that mattered
Your heart is in tatters

There's some blood on your neck
That gets you unawares
It's her love, it's her love
The way to show she cares

She is the glass woman
One touch and you're in pieces

Spread out upon a linoleum floor
The stupid fool she couldn't hold on for.

My eyes keep rolling back into a perfect sky
I've learnt to become the silent passerby
My steps become a lullaby
Night is not the time to cry

I'll just keep passing by
Won't look you in the eye
Won't ask you for the time
The bus is not the place to cry

My hands are weak they will not grip
They cannot wave or point or rip
Hanging limply by my side
Screaming out loud is not the way to cry

A short black dress with two sugars.

Grinds in the pockets and in between the tiles
Kicking colt legs and tiny little smiles
Nails stained brown held fast to spinning dials
Flirting with the coffee drains, milk for miles.

He was tall and uninviting
Bald and simply frightening
Didn't knock or call to me
Just walked into the deep blue sea
And out again. One. Two. Three.

He piano played and tapped his feet
In my cold dark room it was a treat
Until he cried and turned to me
Reached out his hand and stared at me
And floated away. One. Two. Three.

In my mouth he'd placed a finger
For eternity it seemed to linger
Until he withdrew and he was done
And that was my dream. Three. Two. One.

I woke up in a cold sweat
Said it wasn't a real threat
Tried to forget his salty thumb
And went back to sleep. Three. Two. One.

I shall pull my hat down over my ears
And wear my glasses dark
Upon this world, so huge and white
I shall hardly make a mark

I shall lay still and smiling, composing things
And chased by dreams that won't forsake me
Waiting for time to sink deeper down
And a kiss from your lips to wake me.

You cling to your clothes and laugh, laugh, laugh
It's so much fun to be
Engulfed in space, treading on air
A thousand miles from me.

So I built a rocket and three, two, one
I'm flying towards you, my love
I can hardly see, it spins so fast
Until there is nothing above.

But I went too far north
And now I'm on top, sixty seconds too far,
We're destined to be, fated to be
Torn, me and you- apart.

I miss you so much that I can't hang up
We have to count and count and count
My mouth gets caught on ahundredandfive
The sum of my love's amount.

I am huge.

Entirely insulated and engulfing you
This city is nothing to my appetite.

I chew it up and spit it out.
It's the confetti on my carpet
I let the bricks and bones sit there for days and days.

My teeth are aching.

For the metal and the velvet, the glass windowpanes
That shine deliciously in the afternoon sun
With all the pride and innocence
Of a siren.

The pavement is calling me
From the roof of the high rise, I look down
And imagine the grit and blood
In my mouth.

And
sometimes
she
just
can’t
answer
the
phone

For
fear
of
the
uncertain
and
the
unknown.

They're scared of me
They're scared of me
They shut my door and shiver

(Just shut the door and forget her
She'll hurt you with her eyes
There's nothing worse
Than seeing that hearse
Within her dead doll eyes)

I'm a rarity
And they're scared of me
They shake their heads precariously
They shiver and spit on me silently
From behind the wooden door.

She's as lonely as a picture
And there's no one left to look
Upon her gilded glittering frame
Dangling from its hook.

Her angles have been touched and kissed
Caressed with crazy fingers
Wanting, needing something more
Than her eyes that never lingered.

But now she's back in the stock room
With the Klein that no one could stand
Waiting to be kissed and touched again
In that white-walled, art-filled land.

There's a hickey on his heart
But he has nothing to complain
He got it from a cigarette
A velvet smiling flame

All fingernails and lipsticked lips
Made trails down his spine
He didn't feel a single thing
Just laughed and mumoured "fine"

And now it's just too fucking late
To realise what she'd done
The hickey on his little heart
Grew big and then it won.

You’re just a small white dot in the middle of the sea
Barefoot, blind and entwined with me

Took off your shoes and said nothing at all
Was easier that way- not to fall, to fall
Into something else, out of our depths
Where my toes don’t touch and I take small breaths

Drag your eyes over here and show me
Just how pretty you can be
Drag your mouth over here and teach me
Just how pretty we can be

The other night I was on your shoulders real tall
It was so easy to fall, to fall.

(The butterfly bird was in my hand and shook
Its death feathers quietly into the sand.)

Then we were back in the middle of the sea

You

Barefoot, blind and entwined with me.

Do you hear that sound?
It's called rain.
Do you feel that sound?
It's called pain.

That curtain really is too sheer
The businessmen, they get too near
They know they have nought to fear
Because that girl, she cannot hear.

She's deaf and blind and mute and dumb
Barely dares to chew her thumb
Just sits and beats upon a drum
Waiting for that man to come.

It seems she was just another fleeting impression
Meddling amongst your moments of transgression

Tired, dog eared, tucked into your retro suitcase
Memento of some eighteen year old embrace.

And sometimes she just can’t answer the phone
For fear of the uncertain and the unknown

She just lets it sit and hum, what else can she do?
And in any case, anyway- it’s never you.

It’s never you.

Growing divorced from that town, those faces
Falling into this city, these spaces

But somehow never quite learning to stay awake
Sleep is the only thing she doesn’t have to fake.

(It’s free and it’s clean

It’s safe just to dream.)

(and the heart, well it hurt- and it turned out that nothing could separate the vertebrae and from that day on he only got to look at children.)

So there we have it.
With string beans and string dreams
I am touching my hair
Waiting for you
And a piece of toast.

The toaster belonged to the other people
With elusive identities and close acquaintances
(People to hug at night, to bake a casserole with)
You never know if they are not at home
Or just pressed against their pillows
Listening to the trombone next door
And waiting for me to get out of the kitchen.

So I am as quick as I can
Hands over the toaster steam
Don’t get distracted, don’t remember previous slices of bread
Previous hands and eyelashes
That have fallen down into the network of wires
Sitting next to a group of crumbs
And discussing the political climate
Of the one bedroom flat.

It’s unnatural and cruel, a perfect ridicule
Of everything that’s right.

Spat out of bed, Labrador limbs
And a heart to match- awkward and angled
Stardust spangled
With all the words of a newborn
But no strange greetings.

It’s silent and still dark, trees in grey bark
Gowns.

They are cold against my hands
As I caress them and wait for the 373

It’s peculiar to see, the strangers and me
Our fumbling of cards and change
Some weird ritual, and yet
United and helpful
(Her arm on mine as the bus lurches).

It’s absurd and a shame, this strange little game
That comes to an end
Just as our eyes loosen themselves of sleep
Just as the sun raises an arm in salute
Of us little men.

And suddenly it’s clear.

I am crying with the man whose hips take up the whole seat.
Everyone is avoiding his eyes, stepping wide
Trying to hide
From the noises he is making in his sleep
(Wild dreams of skin and toast).

The business man
Don’t understand.
His wife just swept her hand through her hair
Across to the other side of the bed
And found it cold.

Sedimental sentiments
Are sinking through my skin
Past the realm of compliments
And things to put them in

The tupperware is cracked, you see
It's sticky garlic-plastic
Has refused to hold another phrase
Of sickly staunch sarcastic